How to Plan a Funeral: A Step-by-Step Guide for Families
- Lastly.com
- Jun 12
- 18 min read
Updated: Jul 1
Last Words Matter™
A funeral is more than a service.
It's one of the final opportunities family and friends have to gather, remember, and celebrate a life well lived.
Planning a funeral is something most people hope they never have to do.
Yet when the time comes, families are often asked to make dozens of important
decisions within just a few days.
Which funeral home should you choose?
Should you plan a traditional funeral, memorial service, or celebration of life?
Who should speak?
What music should you choose?
How much will everything cost?
It's completely understandable to feel overwhelmed.
But before you begin making decisions...
Take a moment to remember why you're here.
You're not simply planning a funeral.
You're honoring a life.
Every decision that follows becomes a little easier when you begin with the person
instead of the logistics.
The good news is that funeral planning doesn't have to happen all at once.
By taking one step at a time, you can create a meaningful service that reflects your loved one's values, relationships, personality, and the legacy they leave behind.
This guide walks you through the funeral planning process—from choosing a funeral home and deciding on the type of service to organizing meaningful moments that help family and friends remember together.
If your loss is recent, our guide What to Do When Someone Dies: A Step-by-Step Checklist can also help you navigate the important tasks that come first.
Before You Begin Planning
When someone dies, it's easy to feel like every decision must be made immediately.
In reality, very few decisions need to be made all at once.
Take a deep breath.
Lean on the people around you.
Allow your funeral director, clergy, friends, and family members to help.
Most importantly...
Remember that a meaningful funeral isn't created by making perfect decisions.
It's created by making thoughtful ones.
The purpose of a funeral isn't to impress the people who attend.
It's to honor the person everyone came to remember.
Keeping that simple truth in mind can help guide every decision that follows.
Step 1: Review Any Existing Funeral Wishes
Before making arrangements, take some time to determine whether your loved one shared any wishes regarding their funeral or memorial service.
Many people communicate those wishes through:
A will or estate documents
Prepaid funeral arrangements
Burial or cremation plans
Military records
Religious preferences
Conversations with family members
They may have expressed preferences about:
Burial or cremation
Funeral location
Music selections
Scripture or readings
Military honors
Memorial donations
These wishes can provide valuable guidance while removing uncertainty during an
already emotional time.
Even if no formal plans exist, don't overlook the conversations you've shared over the
years.
Sometimes a casual comment made around the dinner table says more than any legal
document ever could.
Remember...
The goal isn't to create the funeral you would choose.
It's to create the service they would have wanted.
That's one of the most meaningful ways we honor a life.
Need Help Preparing an Obituary or Eulogy?
Our LifeReview® helps families discover the stories behind a life well lived, creating a meaningful foundation for a heartfelt and memorable tribute.
Powered by the Lastly.com LifeReview® Framework
Step 2: Choose a Funeral Home
Choosing a funeral home is one of the first major decisions most families make.
The right funeral home does far more than coordinate logistics.
A compassionate funeral director becomes a guide—helping your family navigate
unfamiliar decisions with care, patience, and understanding during an incredibly difficult
time.
As you compare funeral homes, consider more than location and price.
Look for people you trust.
Location
Choose a funeral home that is convenient for immediate family members and those who will be attending the service.
Services Offered
Not every funeral home offers the same services.
Depending on your family's wishes, you may be looking for:
Traditional funerals
Memorial services
Celebration of life events
Cremation services
Veteran services
Religious or cultural ceremonies
Choose a provider experienced in the type of service you envision.
Pricing
Funeral costs can vary significantly.
Don't hesitate to request a General Price List (GPL) and compare services before
making your decision.
A reputable funeral home should welcome your questions and clearly explain your
options without pressure. If you want to learn more about How Much a Funeral Cost, review our article describing expenses a family can expect.
Reputation
Ask friends, clergy, hospice providers, or healthcare professionals for recommendations.
Online reviews can also provide insight into how families felt supported during one of the
most difficult moments of their lives.
Compassion Matters
Perhaps more than anything else, choose people who make you feel heard.
The best funeral directors don't simply organize services.
They help families create meaningful moments of remembrance.
You'll likely remember how they treated your family long after the details of the funeral have faded.
Before You Meet With the Funeral Director...
Many families worry that they need to have every decision made before walking into the funeral home.
You don't.
In fact, that's one of the reasons funeral directors exist.
Their role isn't simply to coordinate arrangements.
It's to guide families through decisions they may have never faced before.
Come prepared with the information you have.
Ask questions when you're uncertain.
And remember...
You don't have to carry every decision by yourself.
Step 3: Meet With the Funeral Director
Once you've selected a funeral home, you'll typically meet with a funeral director to begin making arrangements.
During this meeting, you'll discuss practical details such as:
Transportation of your loved one
Death certificates
Burial or cremation
Scheduling the service
Obituary publication
Flowers and memorial items
Religious or military honors
Before your meeting, gather as much information as possible, including:
Full legal name
Date of birth
Social Security number
Military records (if applicable)
Marriage information
Parents' names
Employment history
Don't worry if you're missing a few details.
Funeral directors understand that families are navigating an emotional time.
Their job is to help you move through the process one decision at a time—not to expect
you to have every answer immediately.
This meeting isn't about completing a checklist.
It's about beginning to shape a service that reflects the life, values, and relationships of
someone deeply loved.
Understanding the Funeral Planning Timeline
One of the questions families ask most often is:
"How quickly do we need to make these decisions?"
The answer depends on many factors, including religious traditions, burial or cremation
preferences, travel arrangements, and family circumstances.
For many families, funeral services take place within several days to a week after a death.
But every situation is different.
Rather than thinking of the timeline as a series of deadlines, think of it as a guide.
Its purpose isn't to rush you.
It's to help you stay organized while giving yourself permission to focus on what matters
most—honoring the person you love.
Step 4: Choose the Service That Best Reflects Their Life
One of the most meaningful decisions you'll make is deciding what type of service best reflects the person you're honoring.
There is no universally "right" choice.
The most meaningful funeral isn't determined by tradition, cost, or formality.
It's the one that feels most authentic to the person's life, values, relationships, and wishes.
Before comparing different types of services, ask yourself:
What would have felt most like them?
How did they bring people together?
What memories would they have wanted family and friends to share?
How would they want to be remembered?
When those questions guide your decisions, the service naturally becomes more personal—and far more meaningful.
Let's look at the most common types of funeral services and when each might be the right choice for your family.
Traditional Funeral Service
A traditional funeral offers a familiar structure that many families find comforting during a difficult time.
It often includes:
Visitation or viewing
Funeral ceremony
Religious service
Graveside service
Burial
For many families, this format provides opportunities for multiple generations to gather, support one another, and begin grieving together.
The structure itself can offer comfort when life feels uncertain.
If faith, family traditions, or formal ceremonies were important to your loved one, a traditional funeral may feel like the most natural way to honor their life.
Memorial Service
A memorial service is often held after burial or cremation, allowing greater flexibility when scheduling family and friends.
Because there is less time pressure, memorial services often make it easier for loved ones traveling from out of town to attend.
They may be:
Religious or non-religious
Formal or informal
Held at a church, funeral home, park, family home, or another meaningful location
Many memorial services place greater emphasis on storytelling, personal reflections, photographs, and shared memories than on formal traditions.
For families who want additional time to gather stories and celebrate a life, a memorial service can provide meaningful flexibility.
Celebration of Life
Celebrations of life continue to grow in popularity because they focus less on loss and more on the person who lived.
Rather than following a traditional format, these gatherings often celebrate relationships, personality, accomplishments, and the stories that made someone unforgettable.
A celebration of life might include:
Family storytelling
Photo displays
Tribute videos
Favorite music
Shared meals
Memory tables
Many celebrations feel more relaxed while still creating deeply meaningful opportunities for remembrance.
The focus shifts from saying goodbye...
...to celebrating everything that made that life worth remembering.
If you're deciding between a traditional funeral and a celebration of life, our guide Celebration of Life vs. Funeral: What's the Difference? can help you compare both approaches.
Graveside Service
For some families, a simple graveside service feels exactly right.
These gatherings are often smaller, quieter, and deeply personal.
A graveside service may include:
Prayers
Scripture readings
Brief remarks
Military honors
Family participation
Without many formal elements, the focus often rests on shared memories, reflection, and saying goodbye together.
Sometimes simplicity creates the most meaningful experience of all.
What matters isn't the size of the gathering.
It's the love shared within it.
Religious and Cultural Traditions
Faith, culture, and family traditions often play an important role in planning a funeral.
You may wish to incorporate:
Religious customs
Clergy participation
Scripture readings
Prayer traditions
Cultural rituals
Military honors
These traditions do more than provide structure.
They connect families to generations that came before them.
They remind us that we are part of something larger than ourselves.
Whether your service follows long-standing traditions or reflects new family customs, honoring beliefs that were meaningful to your loved one can bring comfort, continuity, and hope during a difficult time.
Before You Begin Planning the Service...
By now, many of the logistical decisions have been made.
Now comes the part that families often remember most.
The stories.
The music.
The photographs.
The people who speak.
The moments that help everyone in the room remember not simply that someone died...
...but how beautifully they lived.
This is where a funeral begins to feel less like an event...
...and more like a celebration of a life.
Step 5: Tell Their Story Through the Service
By this point, many of the practical decisions have already been made.
Now it's time to begin shaping the experience your family and friends will remember.
Every funeral tells a story.
Not only through the words that are spoken, but through the music that's played, the photographs that are displayed, the people who speak, and the memories that are shared.
As you plan the service, ask yourself one simple question:
"If someone had never met my loved one, what would I want them to understand by the end of this service?"
The answer to that question will help guide nearly every decision that follows.
This is where a funeral becomes more than a ceremony.
It becomes a celebration of a unique and meaningful life.
Decide Who Will Speak
The people who speak during a funeral often become the voice of the person's story.
Consider inviting those who knew different parts of your loved one's life, such as:
Family members
Close friends
Clergy
Colleagues
Community members
Some families prefer a single eulogy.
Others invite several people to share shorter reflections.
There isn't a right or wrong approach.
The goal isn't to tell every story.
It's to choose the stories that best reveal the person everyone came to remember.
If you'd like additional guidance, explore our collection of articles on How to Write a Eulogy, Eulogy Examples, and our guided eulogy writing experience.
Select Meaningful Music
Music often becomes one of the most memorable parts of a funeral.
Long after the service has ended, certain songs have a remarkable way of bringing memories rushing back.
Consider including:
Favorite songs
Hymns
Instrumental music
Cultural traditions
Family favorites
Rather than asking,
"What songs are appropriate?"
Ask,
"What songs sound like them?"
Sometimes the most meaningful choice is the one that instantly brings a smile, a memory, or a familiar feeling to everyone listening.
If you're looking for inspiration, explore our guide to Funeral Songs for a Meaningful Service.
Choose Readings That Reflect Their Life
Scripture, poems, inspirational quotes, letters, and personal reflections can all bring comfort during a funeral.
But the most meaningful readings do something more.
They sound like the person you're honoring.
Whether you choose a favorite Bible passage, a beloved poem, or words written specifically for the service, look for readings that reflect their character, beliefs, and the life they lived.
When the readings feel personal, they become part of the story your family will continue remembering.
Create Opportunities for Storytelling
The most memorable funerals rarely revolve around schedules.
They revolve around stories.
Photographs.
Laughter.
Shared memories.
Increasingly, families are creating opportunities for guests to experience a person's life through:
Photo displays
Memory boards
Tribute videos
Printed programs
Memorial websites
These elements do more than decorate a room.
They invite conversations.
They spark forgotten memories.
They encourage people to tell stories that might otherwise never be shared.
Sometimes the most meaningful moments don't happen during the service.
They happen afterward...
...when someone says,
"Do you remember when..."
Funeral Programs and Memorial Materials
Printed programs, memorial cards, tribute displays, and keepsakes often become lasting reminders of the day family and friends gathered to celebrate a life.
Years later, someone may discover one of those programs tucked inside a Bible, a photo album, or a keepsake box.
In an instant, the memories return.
Thoughtfully designed memorial materials help preserve not only the details of the service, but also the spirit of the person being remembered.
If you're looking for inspiration, explore our guide to Funeral Program Examples & Templates for Families.
Questions to Ask Before Finalizing the Service
Before making your final decisions, pause for just a moment.
Not to think about logistics.
To think about the person.
Ask yourself:
Did they leave any funeral wishes?
What brought them the greatest joy?
Was faith important to them?
What traditions mattered most?
What music immediately reminds you of them?
What stories would they want people laughing about years from now?
What made them uniquely themselves?
What do you hope people will still be talking about on the drive home?
The answers to those questions often become the foundation of a funeral that feels deeply personal, authentic, and unforgettable.
When You're Unsure, Return to What Matters Most
Planning a funeral involves dozens of decisions.
Some are practical.
Others feel deeply personal.
When emotions are high, it's easy to become overwhelmed by details.
If you ever find yourself wondering,
"Are we making the right decisions?"
Return to these questions.
They have a way of bringing everything back into focus.
What Would They Have Wanted?
Whenever possible, let your loved one's personality, values, beliefs, and wishes guide the
decisions you make.
The service doesn't need to reflect everyone else's expectations.
It should reflect the life you're honoring.
What Stories Should Be Shared?
People are rarely remembered only for what they accomplished.
They're remembered for the kindness they showed.
The laughter they shared.
The lessons they taught.
The way they made others feel.
Those are often the stories that matter most.
Who Should Help Tell Their Story?
Think about the people who knew different parts of your loved one's life.
A lifelong friend.
A grandchild.
A coworker.
A neighbor.
Together, their stories create a fuller picture than any one person could tell alone.
What Traditions Matter Most?
Faith.
Culture.
Military service.
Family customs.
Holiday traditions.
These are often the threads that connect generations and bring comfort during difficult
times.
What Will Bring Comfort?
The purpose of a funeral isn't simply to mark a death.
It's to bring people together.
To remember.
To support one another.
To begin healing.
If a decision helps people do those things...
It's probably the right one.
Whenever uncertainty begins to creep in, come back to these questions.
More often than not, they'll point you toward the kind of service your loved one would
have wanted.
Stay Organized During the Funeral Planning Process
Planning a funeral involves dozens of important decisions, often within just a few days.
Even the most organized families can begin to feel overwhelmed.
That's why checklists are so helpful.
They reduce the mental burden of trying to remember every detail while allowing you to focus on what matters most—your family and the person you're honoring.
Use the checklist below as a simple guide throughout the planning process.
Check things off one step at a time.
There is no need to do everything at once.
If you'd like a more detailed planning resource, see our article:
Step 6: Notify Family and Friends
As the service begins taking shape, it's time to let others know.
Start with the people closest to your loved one.
Then gradually reach out to extended family, friends, coworkers, neighbors, and others
who may wish to attend or offer their support.
Many families find it helpful to share this responsibility.
No one should feel like they have to make every phone call alone.
You may choose to notify others through:
Phone calls
Text messages
Email
Social media
Funeral home websites
Newspaper notices
Published obituaries
An obituary often serves two important purposes.
It lets people know when and where to gather.
More importantly, it begins telling the story of the life they'll soon come together to celebrate.
As details become available, be sure to include:
Date and time
Service location
Visitation information
Burial or graveside details
Memorial donation preferences
Reception information
Clear communication allows guests to focus less on logistics...
...and more on supporting one another.
If you need help writing an obituary, explore our guide How to Write an Obituary, browse our collection of Obituary Examples, or learn more about the Lastly® guided obituary experience.
Step 7: Prepare for the Day of the Service
As the day approaches, a little preparation can help everything run more smoothly.
But remember...
No funeral unfolds exactly as planned.
Someone may become emotional.
A speaker may lose their place.
A slideshow may pause unexpectedly.
The flowers may arrive late.
None of those moments diminish the purpose of the day.
People aren't gathering to witness a flawless event.
They're gathering to remember someone they loved.
Prepare as thoughtfully as you can.
Then give yourself permission to be fully present.
Sometimes the moments you never planned become the ones your family remembers
most.
How Much Does a Funeral Cost?
One of the first questions many families ask is:
"How much will a funeral cost?"
It's an understandable concern.
Funeral expenses can vary significantly depending on where you live, the type of service
you choose, and whether you select burial or cremation.
Common funeral expenses may include:
Funeral home professional services
Transportation
Embalming and preparation
Use of facilities
Funeral director services
Casket or urn
Cemetery expenses
Burial vault or grave liner
Death certificates
Obituary publication
Flowers
Printed materials
Memorial receptions
Because prices vary widely, don't hesitate to request a detailed General Price List (GPL) and compare options before making decisions.
But as you consider costs, remember something important.
A meaningful funeral is not measured by how much money is spent.
Some of the most memorable services are simple gatherings filled with stories,
photographs, laughter, tears, and people who genuinely loved the person being
remembered.
The purpose of a funeral isn't to impress people.
It's to honor a life.
Keeping that truth at the center of your decisions often makes every other choice a little easier.
Common Funeral Expenses Families Should Expect
Understanding where funeral costs typically occur can help families make thoughtful decisions while avoiding unnecessary surprises.
Every funeral is different.
Not every family will need every service listed below.
Review your options carefully, ask questions when something isn't clear, and remember that the choices you make should reflect your loved one's wishes—not anyone else's expectations.
A meaningful service doesn't require every available option.
It requires thoughtful ones.
Common funeral expenses may include:
Funeral Home Services
Professional service fees often cover:
Funeral director services
Administrative support
Coordination of arrangements
Transportation logistics
Burial Expenses
Families choosing burial may encounter costs related to:
Cemetery plots
Grave opening and closing
Burial vaults
Headstones or markers
Cremation Expenses
Families choosing cremation may encounter costs related to:
Cremation services
Cremation containers
Urns
Memorial services
Service and Reception Costs
Additional expenses may include:
Facility rental
Clergy honorariums
Musicians
Catering
Printed materials
Audio-visual services
Memorial Items
Many families also choose:
Flowers
Tribute videos
Memorial cards
Guest books
Keepsakes
Remember that meaningful services come in many forms. Some of the most memorable tributes are simple gatherings focused on relationships, stories, and shared memories rather than elaborate arrangements.
Burial vs. Cremation
One of the most significant decisions families make is whether to choose burial or cremation.
For some, the decision is guided by faith, cultural traditions, or previously expressed wishes.
For others, practical considerations such as cost, flexibility, environmental concerns, or family preferences play a larger role.
There is no universally right choice.
The best decision is the one that reflects the values, beliefs, and wishes of the person
you're honoring.
If you're still weighing your options, our guide Burial vs. Cremation: How to Decide What's Right for Your Family explores the differences, benefits, costs, and considerations associated with each approach.
Whatever decision you make...
Remember that the way a person is remembered will never be determined by whether they were buried or cremated.
It will be determined by the life they lived and the love they shared.
People Remember How a Funeral Made Them Feel
When families look back on a funeral years later...
They rarely remember every flower arrangement.
Or every printed program.
Or every logistical detail.
What they remember...
Is how the day made them feel.
They remember the stories that made everyone laugh.
The tears that reminded them how deeply someone was loved.
The unexpected hugs.
The familiar songs.
The quiet moments.
The conversations afterward.
Most of all...
They remember the person everyone came together to celebrate.
That's why a meaningful funeral isn't about creating a flawless event.
It's about creating an opportunity for people to remember together.
If family and friends leave feeling more connected to the person they loved...
The funeral has accomplished something truly beautiful.
Beyond Planning the Service, Remember the Stories
The funeral itself may last only a few hours.
But the stories shared during that time often last for generations.
Children hear stories they've never heard before.
Old friends reconnect over forgotten memories.
Families laugh together.
Cry together.
And begin making sense of a remarkable life together.
That's why remembering matters.
Before we write the obituary...
Before we prepare the eulogy...
Before we stand to speak...
We first remember.
The LifeStory® Framework
The most meaningful funerals don't begin with choosing flowers, selecting music, or
deciding who will speak.
They begin by remembering the person those decisions are meant to honor.
At Lastly®, we use the LifeStory® Framework to help families uncover the stories,
relationships, values, and defining moments that become the foundation of meaningful
remembrance.
The Person
Who were they beyond the milestones?
What qualities immediately come to mind?
How did they make others feel?
Their Life
What brought them joy?
Who did they love most?
What traditions, passions, and experiences shaped their life?
Their Journey
What challenges did they overcome?
What lessons did they teach through the way they lived?
How did they grow throughout their lifetime?
Their Legacy
What continues because they lived?
What stories will still be told years from now?
What traditions will your family continue because of them?
The most meaningful funeral services don't simply celebrate a life.
They help everyone gathered understand why that life mattered.
That's the purpose of the LifeStory® Framework.
Guided Memory Workbook™
When families gather after someone dies, something remarkable often happens.
One person remembers a childhood story.
Another remembers an act of kindness.
Someone else shares a lesson they never knew anyone else remembered.
Together, those memories become a fuller picture of the person everyone came to
honor.
The Guided Memory Workbook™ helps families capture those stories through
thoughtful questions and guided reflection.
Whether you're planning a funeral, writing an obituary, preparing a eulogy, or preserving
your family's history, it helps uncover the memories that reveal the person behind the
milestones.
Because before we plan the service...
We first remember the life.
Related Resources
If you're planning a funeral, these additional guides can help you navigate the days ahead with greater confidence and clarity.
What to Do When Someone Dies — Follow our step-by-step checklist for handling the important tasks that arise in the hours and days after a death.
Funeral Planning Checklist — Stay organized with a comprehensive checklist covering everything from choosing a funeral home to preparing for the day of the service.
Celebration of Life vs. Funeral — Compare traditional funerals, memorial services, and celebrations of life to determine which best reflects your loved one's wishes.
How to Write an Obituary — Learn how to write a meaningful obituary that shares your loved one's story while providing important service information.
How to Write a Eulogy — Discover practical guidance, examples, and storytelling tips to help prepare a heartfelt tribute.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is the first step in planning a funeral?
Begin by reviewing any funeral wishes your loved one may have shared, then choose a funeral home that can guide your family through the planning process.
How long does it take to plan a funeral?
Most funerals are planned within several days to a week after a death, although the timeline varies depending on family needs, religious traditions, and whether burial or cremation is chosen.
How much does a funeral typically cost?
Costs vary widely depending on location, service type, and personal preferences. Requesting a General Price List (GPL) from several funeral homes can help you compare options and make informed decisions.
What's the difference between a funeral, memorial service, and celebration of life?
Traditional funerals often include the body and follow a structured ceremony. Memorial services are usually held after burial or cremation, while celebrations of life often place greater emphasis on storytelling, relationships, and personal memories.
How do I make a funeral feel more personal?
Personal touches often make the greatest impact. Favorite music, meaningful readings, family photographs, stories, and opportunities for loved ones to participate all help create a service that reflects the person's life.
What do people remember most about a funeral?
Years later, people rarely remember every detail of the service. They remember the stories that were shared, the love that was expressed, and how the gathering made them feel.
Final Thoughts
Planning a funeral can feel overwhelming.
There are decisions to make.
People to notify.
Details to coordinate.
It's easy to believe that every choice must be perfect.
But when families look back on a funeral years later, perfection is rarely what they
remember.
They remember the stories.
The conversations.
The music.
The laughter.
The tears.
They remember feeling connected to the person they came to honor—and to one
another.
That's why planning a meaningful funeral is about so much more than organizing an event.
It's about creating a space where people can gather, remember, grieve, celebrate, and begin healing together.
When people leave knowing a little more about the life that was lived...
When they leave carrying one more story...
One more lesson...
One more reason to smile...
Then the service has accomplished something truly beautiful.
At Lastly.com, Last Words Matter™
The words we speak about someone's life often become part of how they are remembered.
Long after the flowers have faded...
Long after family and friends have returned home...
Those words continue living in the stories we tell, the traditions we carry forward, and the
lessons we continue sharing.
That's why we believe meaningful funerals don't begin with planning.
They begin with remembering.
Lastly® helps families discover and tell the story of a life well lived through guided
storytelling designed for obituaries, eulogies, and lasting tributes.
Because every meaningful service begins with a life worth remembering.
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