How to Write Your Own Obituary: Preserve Your Story & Legacy
- Lastly.com
- 4 days ago
- 14 min read
Last Words Matter™
The stories we share often become part of how we are remembered.
Someday, someone will tell your story. The question is whether you'll help write it.
Most people assume someone else will write their obituary.
A spouse.
A child.
A sibling.
A friend.
And for generations, that's how it has been done.
But an increasing number of people are choosing a different path.
They're writing their own.
Not because they're focused on death.
Because they're focused on life.
They want to preserve their story.
Share their values.
Capture meaningful memories.
And leave behind something more than dates and accomplishments.
After all, when your life is summarized someday, what would you want people to know?
What lessons mattered most?
What experiences shaped you?
What stories would you want future generations to hear?
Writing your own obituary gives you the opportunity to answer those questions in your own words.
It allows you to reflect on a life lived, celebrate the people and experiences that mattered most, and leave behind a meaningful legacy for those you love.
While many people write their own obituary to help family members during a difficult time, they often discover something unexpected along the way.
The process becomes an opportunity for reflection.
A chance to pause, look back, and consider the story their life is telling.
In this guide, you'll learn how to write your own obituary, what to include, and how to create a tribute that captures your story, values, and legacy in your own voice.
In This Guide
Why more people are writing their own obituaries
How writing your own obituary can become an exercise in living
What to include in a self-written obituary
Questions that help uncover meaningful memories
How to think about legacy and remembrance
Examples and templates to help you get started
Why authenticity matters more than perfection
Why More People Are Writing Their Own Obituaries
For generations, obituaries were written by surviving family members.
Often, they were written under tight deadlines during one of the most emotional periods of a person's life.
Loved ones were expected to summarize an entire lifetime in just a few short paragraphs while navigating grief, funeral arrangements, family responsibilities, and countless decisions.
As a result, many obituaries became little more than summaries of dates, family members, careers, and accomplishments.
Today, more people are choosing to write their own.
Not because they are focused on death.
Because they are focused on life.
They want to preserve memories.
Share life lessons.
Express gratitude.
Communicate values.
And ensure that the people they love understand what mattered most to them.
Writing your own obituary can also relieve family members of the pressure to find the right words during a difficult time.
Instead of wondering what should be said, they are given the gift of knowing.
Perhaps most importantly, writing your own obituary allows you to answer a question many people quietly wonder about:
How do I want to be remembered?
Not simply for what you accomplished.
But for who you were.
For the relationships you built.
The values you lived by.
The lessons you learned.
And the impact you had on others.
A self-written obituary is not about controlling the future.
It's about leaving behind a meaningful reflection of a life well lived.
Writing Your Own Obituary Is an Exercise in Living
Most people begin writing their own obituary expecting to think about death.
Instead, they often find themselves thinking about life.
The people who shaped them.
The experiences that changed them.
The lessons they learned.
The challenges they overcame.
The moments they are most grateful for.
The relationships that mattered most.
Writing your own obituary invites you to step back and view your life as a story.
Not a list of accomplishments.
Not a collection of dates.
A story.
A story filled with people, experiences, decisions, setbacks, triumphs, and moments that helped make you who you are today.
Many people discover that the process becomes surprisingly meaningful.
It encourages reflection.
Gratitude.
Perspective.
And sometimes even a renewed sense of purpose.
Most people spend their lives writing their story.
Very few take the time to read it.
Writing your own obituary gives you that opportunity.
It allows you to pause and ask:
What mattered most?
Who shaped my life?
What lessons would I pass on?
What am I most grateful for?
How do I hope to be remembered?
The answers are rarely found in job titles, awards, or accomplishments alone.
More often, they are found in relationships.
Experiences.
Values.
And the impact we have on others.
After all, if you stop to consider how you want to be remembered, you may also begin
thinking about how you want to live moving forward.
In that sense, writing your own obituary is not an exercise in dying. It's an exercise in living.
Your Obituary Is More Than a Record of Your Death
When most people think of an obituary, they imagine a brief summary of someone's life.
A birth date.
A death date.
Family members.
Education.
Career accomplishments.
Funeral arrangements.
While those details are important, they rarely tell the whole story.
The best obituaries do more than document a life.
They help explain it.
They capture the values that guided a person, the relationships that shaped them, the lessons they learned, and the impact they had on others.
Think about the people you remember most.
Chances are, you don't remember them because of where they worked or what awards they won.
You remember them because of how they made people feel.
Their kindness.
Their generosity.
Their humor.
Their courage.
Their faith.
Their love.
Those are the things that become part of a person's legacy.
When writing your own obituary, don't limit yourself to facts and accomplishments.
Take the opportunity to tell the deeper story.
What mattered to you?
What brought you joy?
What challenges shaped your character?
What values guided your decisions?
What lessons would you want future generations to carry forward?
Your obituary can become more than a notice of death.
It can become a record of a life well lived.
And perhaps even a gift to those who come after you.
Start Preserving Your Story Today
Your memories, experiences, values, and life lessons deserve to be preserved.
Our guided Obituary LifeReview® helps you reflect on your life, capture meaningful details, and create a thoughtful LifeStory® in your own words.
What Should You Include in Your Own Obituary?
There is no single right way to write your own obituary.
Some people prefer a traditional format.
Others choose a more personal, conversational approach.
Regardless of style, most meaningful self-written obituaries include several key elements.
Your Story
Who are you beyond your resume?
What experiences shaped your life?
What moments changed your perspective?
What challenges helped define who you became?
Your obituary should help readers understand the person behind the accomplishments.
Your Family and Relationships
Who mattered most to you?
What relationships brought you the greatest joy?
What role did family, friends, mentors, and community play in your life?
The people we love often become the most important part of our story.
Your Passions and Interests
What brought you happiness?
What hobbies, activities, causes, or pursuits made life meaningful?
These details help future generations understand who you were when you weren't working, achieving, or fulfilling responsibilities.
Your Accomplishments
What are you most proud of?
Remember that accomplishments are not limited to careers and awards.
Raising a family.
Helping others.
Serving your community.
Keeping promises.
Living according to your values.
These accomplishments matter too.
Your Values
What principles guided your decisions?
What beliefs shaped your life?
What did you stand for?
These values often become the lessons that continue long after you're gone.
Your Legacy
What do you hope remains after you're gone?
What lessons, traditions, stories, or values do you hope future generations continue?
These are often the most meaningful parts of a self-written obituary.
Questions to Ask Yourself Before Writing
One of the biggest challenges people face when writing their own obituary is knowing where to begin.
A lifetime of experiences, relationships, accomplishments, lessons, and memories can feel overwhelming to summarize.
The good news is that you don't need to start writing right away.
Start by reflecting.
The most meaningful self-written obituaries often begin with thoughtful questions rather than a blank page.
What Am I Most Proud Of?
When you look back on your life, what accomplishments bring you the greatest sense of fulfillment?
Remember, accomplishments are not limited to careers, awards, or recognition.
Perhaps you're most proud of:
Raising a family
Serving your community
Building meaningful relationships
Overcoming adversity
Living according to your values
Often, the things we're proudest of are not found on a résumé.
What Challenges Shaped Me?
Every life includes obstacles.
Challenges often reveal our character more clearly than success ever can.
Consider:
Difficult decisions
Personal setbacks
Losses you've experienced
Lessons learned through adversity
Moments that tested your resilience
These experiences often become important chapters in your story.
Who Had the Greatest Impact on My Life?
No one becomes who they are alone.
Think about:
Parents
Grandparents
Teachers
Mentors
Friends
Spouses
Children
Who helped shape your journey?
Who influenced your values?
Who helped you become the person you are today?
What Brought Me the Greatest Joy?
When you reflect on your life, what memories make you smile?
Perhaps it was:
Family vacations
Holiday traditions
Coaching youth sports
Traveling
Gardening
Fishing
Volunteering
Time spent with grandchildren
Joy often points us toward what mattered most.
What Lessons Have I Learned?
Every life teaches something.
If you could leave future generations with a few lessons, what would they be?
Perhaps you learned:
The importance of kindness
The value of perseverance
The power of forgiveness
The importance of family
The need to appreciate life's simple moments
These lessons often become part of your legacy.
What Am I Most Grateful For?
Gratitude has a way of bringing life's most meaningful moments into focus.
Think about:
Relationships
Opportunities
Experiences
Challenges that helped you grow
Moments that changed your perspective
Many people discover that gratitude becomes one of the most important themes in their self-written obituary.
What Do I Hope People Remember?
This may be the most powerful question of all.
When people talk about your life years from now, what do you hope they say?
Do you hope they remember:
Your kindness?
Your generosity?
Your sense of humor?
Your faith?
Your determination?
Your love for family?
The answer often reveals the legacy you hope to leave behind.
What Do I Want Future Generations to Know?
Imagine your children, grandchildren, or great-grandchildren reading your obituary decades from now.
What would you want them to understand about you?
What values would you want them to carry forward?
What stories would you want them to remember?
What lessons would you hope would continue long after you're gone?
The answers to these questions often become the most meaningful parts of a self-written obituary.
B
ecause ultimately, your obituary isn't just about looking back.
It's also about leaving something behind.
How Do You Want to Be Remembered?
At first glance, this seems like a simple question.
But for many people, it may be one of the most meaningful questions they will ever consider.
When people gather to remember your life someday, what do you hope they say?
Do you want to be remembered for your accomplishments?
Your career?
Your achievements?
Perhaps.
But when most people reflect on the lives of those they loved, they often remember something else.
They remember how that person made them feel.
Did you make people feel:
Loved?
Safe?
Encouraged?
Supported?
Welcome?
Valued?
Inspired?
Understood?
Long after details have faded, those feelings often remain.
This is why writing your own obituary can be such a powerful exercise.
I
t encourages you to think beyond accomplishments and ask deeper questions:
What values guided my life?
What lessons do I hope others carry forward?
What impact did I have on the people around me?
What would I want future generations to know about me?
The answers often reveal the legacy that matters most.
Because in the end, people may not remember every date, title, or achievement.
But they will remember how you made them feel.
What Stories Should You Include?
One of the biggest misconceptions about writing an obituary is that it should focus primarily on facts.
Birth dates.
Schools attended.
Jobs held.
Awards received.
While those details help document a life, they rarely capture its meaning.
Stories do.
Think about the people you remember most.
You probably don't remember them because of a list of accomplishments.
You remember them because of a story.
A moment.
An experience.
A lesson.
A memory that revealed who they truly were.
That's why some of the most meaningful self-written obituaries are built around stories rather than facts alone.
A Turning Point
Every life has defining moments.
A decision.
A challenge.
An opportunity.
A setback.
A relationship.
Consider sharing a story about a moment that changed the direction of your life.
What happened?
What did you learn?
How did it shape who you became?
A Lesson Learned
Life has a way of teaching us lessons—sometimes gently, sometimes not.
What is one lesson you learned that you hope others will carry forward?
Often, the lessons we learn become part of the legacy we leave behind.
A Moment of Courage
Most lives include moments when courage was required.
These moments often reveal character more clearly than success ever can.
A Story That Makes You Smile
Not every story needs to be serious.
Some of the most memorable obituaries include moments of humor.
Humor reminds us that a life was lived, not merely recorded.
A Person Who Changed Your Life
No life is shaped in isolation.
Who had the greatest influence on your journey?
Acknowledging those who helped shape your story often becomes one of the most
meaningful parts of a self-written obituary.
A Tradition You Hope Continues
Perhaps you started something that became part of your family's identity.
A holiday tradition.
A favorite recipe.
An annual gathering.
A value passed from one generation to the next.
These traditions often become living pieces of a person's legacy.
A Moment That Captures Who You Were
If future generations could know only one story about you, what story would you choose?
What memory best captures your values, character, and personality?
That story probably belongs in your obituary.
Don't Leave Your Story Untold
Many of life's most meaningful stories never make it into traditional obituaries.
The family traditions.
The life lessons.
The acts of kindness.
The moments that shaped who we became.
Those stories deserve to be preserved.
Our Guided Memory Workbook™ helps you uncover memories, capture meaningful experiences, and preserve the stories that often become the heart of a lasting tribute.
Example: A Retired Teacher Writing Her Own Obituary
If you're struggling to imagine what a self-written obituary might sound like, the example below illustrates how a person can share their story, values, and legacy in their own voice.
My name is Margaret Thompson, and if you're reading this, my journey has come to an end.
I was fortunate to spend 38 years doing work I loved as an elementary school teacher.
While I taught reading, writing, and arithmetic, I suspect my students taught me just as much about patience, curiosity, and joy as I ever taught them.
I was blessed with a wonderful family who filled my life with more love than I ever thought possible. My greatest accomplishments were never found in a classroom, an award, or a title. They were found around dinner tables, at family gatherings, and in the countless moments spent with my children and grandchildren.
I loved books, long walks, gardening, and conversations that lasted far longer than planned. I believed kindness mattered. I believed people deserved second chances. I believed that small acts of generosity could change a person's day—and sometimes even their life.
Like everyone, I made mistakes along the way. But I hope those who knew me remember that I tried to lead with compassion, gratitude, and love.
If I could leave one lesson behind, it would be this:
Take time for the people you love.
The dishes can wait.
The email can wait.
The work can wait.
The people who matter most cannot.
To my family, thank you for giving my life its greatest meaning.
To my friends, thank you for your companionship and laughter.
To my former students, thank you for allowing me the privilege of being part of your journey.
And to anyone reading this, I hope you find joy in ordinary moments, gratitude in everyday blessings, and purpose in serving others.
I lived a wonderful life.
And for that, I am deeply grateful.
Notice that this example includes very few dates, accomplishments, or formal details.
Instead, it focuses on relationships, values, gratitude, lessons, and legacy.
Those are often the elements that make a self-written obituary memorable.
Write Your Own Obituary Template
If you're ready to begin writing your own obituary, the template below can help organize your thoughts and memories.
Remember, this isn't about creating a perfect document.
It's about capturing your story in your own voice.
Use these prompts as a starting point.
Introduction
My name is [Name], and if you're reading this, my life's journey has come to an end.
I was born on [Date] in [Location], and I spent my years pursuing a life filled with [family, service, faith, adventure, learning, etc.].
My Story
One of the defining experiences of my life was ________________________________.
It shaped me by ____________________________________________.
The challenges that taught me the most were _____________________________.
The accomplishments I am most proud of are _____________________________.
The People Who Mattered Most
I was blessed to share my life with ______________________________.
The relationships that brought me the greatest joy were _____________________.
I am especially grateful for ______________________________________.
What I Loved
Some of the things that brought me the greatest happiness were:
I found joy in _______________________________________________.
What I Learned
Life taught me many lessons, but the most important were:
If I could share one piece of advice with future generations, it would be:
What I Hope People Remember
More than anything, I hope people remember me as someone who was:
I hope I made others feel:
Loved
Encouraged
Supported
Valued
Safe
Inspired
My Legacy
The traditions, values, or lessons I hope continue after I'm gone include:
A Final Thought
As I reflect on my life, I am most grateful for:
Thank you to the people who shared this journey with me.
My life was richer because of you.
You Don't Need to Write the Perfect Obituary
One of the biggest misconceptions about writing your own obituary is that it needs to be perfect.
It doesn't.
You don't need to be a professional writer.
You don't need to have lived an extraordinary life.
You don't need to find the perfect words.
You simply need to be honest.
The most memorable self-written obituaries are rarely remembered because they were beautifully written.
They are remembered because they felt authentic.
They sounded like a real person.
They reflected genuine values, experiences, lessons, and relationships.
In many cases, what people remember most isn't a carefully crafted sentence.
It's a simple story.
A heartfelt reflection.
A moment of gratitude.
A lesson learned.
Or a glimpse into the personality behind the words.
Your obituary doesn't need to capture every accomplishment, every milestone, or every chapter of your life.
No obituary can do that.
Instead, focus on the moments, people, and experiences that mattered most.
Focus on the lessons you've learned.
The values you've tried to live by.
The memories you hope others will carry forward.
Most importantly, write in your own voice.
Be yourself.
If you're humorous, let your humor show.
If you're reflective, be reflective.
If you're grateful, express gratitude.
If you're hopeful, share that hope.
The goal isn't to write the perfect obituary.
The goal is to leave behind an honest reflection of your life.
Because people rarely remember a tribute because it was perfectly written.
They remember it because it felt genuine.
And often, authenticity is the greatest gift you can leave behind.
The Greatest Gift You Can Leave
When people think about legacy, they often think about money.
Possessions.
Property.
Investments.
Family heirlooms.
While those things can certainly be meaningful, they are rarely what future generations cherish most.
What many families value most is context.
The stories behind the photographs.
The lessons learned through experience.
The values that guided important decisions.
The memories that might otherwise be forgotten.
The reasons behind family traditions.
The wisdom gained through a lifetime of living.
When someone dies without sharing those things, much of their story can disappear with them.
Future generations may know the facts.
But they may never know the person.
They may know where you lived.
But not what you believed.
They may know what you did.
But not what mattered most to you.
Writing your own obituary gives you the opportunity to leave something deeper behind.
A glimpse into your life.
Your character.
Your values.
Your hopes.
Your gratitude.
Your perspective.
It allows you to tell future generations:
"This is who I was."
"This is what I learned."
"This is what mattered to me."
"This is what I hope remains."
Years from now, your children, grandchildren, and even generations you may never meet could look back and better understand the person behind the name.
Not because you left a perfect obituary.
But because you left a piece of yourself.
That may be one of the greatest gifts you ever give.
Final Thoughts
Most people assume an obituary is something written after a person dies.
But writing your own obituary offers something different.
An opportunity to pause.
Reflect.
And consider the story your life is telling.
Along the way, you may discover that the exercise has less to do with death than you expected.
And far more to do with life.
The people you loved.
The lessons you learned.
The experiences that shaped you.
The values you hope to pass forward.
The legacy you hope to leave behind.
Writing your own obituary isn't about preparing for death.
It's about reflecting on life.
Because every life has a story worth telling.
And no one is better qualified to tell yours than you.
Someday, someone will tell your story.
The question is whether you'll help write it.
At Lastly.com, Last Words Matter™
The final words written about a person's life often become part of how they are remembered.
Lastly® helps people uncover memories, preserve meaningful details, and craft thoughtful LifeStories® through guided reflection designed for obituaries, eulogies, and lasting tributes.
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